Chapter 7: Hungry Ghosts can also be Ghost Officials

Cheng Haidong was at Lan He’s house, chatting with him until evening. Lan He rose to send him off downstairs.

“Oh right, I told you about seeing those dirty things[1] last time. On the way home, I went to Shang temple to get an amulet[2]. I don’t know if it was a psychological effect, but I slept more peacefully at night.” As Cheng Haidong spoke, he brought out the amulet to show him.

Lan He said, “Is that so? That’s good.”

Cheng Haidong muttered disappointedly, “Don’t keep giving me these perfunctory responses. Why don’t you believe it.”

Lan He said, “It’s not that I don’t believe it. I just feel that you shouldn’t overthink such things. The more you think, the worse your spirit gets. And you can go to Juehui temple, it’s more famous. Since you’re already buying, you might as well buy a good one, and feel more at ease.”

He had heard of Juehui temple’s fame initially. After his own experience, he knew it was also famous in the Netherworld, so he recommended it to Cheng Haidong.

Cheng Haidong thought about it, “You’re right, I’ll stop by Juehui temple on the way back.”

When they reached downstairs, Cheng Haidong told him that he didn’t need to send him any further.

“Be careful when driving.” Lan He stood in front of the building for a while, and was about to leave when Ying Shao also came back.

Ying Shao even brought two shidi[3], either holding or carrying joss sticks[4] and other items for worship.

Lan He’s gaze lingered on their roast chicken. Noticing that Ying Shao was also looking at him, he smiled and asked, “Are all of you conmen?”

Ying Shao: “....Yes.”

His shidi: “....”

What was this!

……

Once they entered, Ying Shao’s shidi complained, “What kind of logic is this! We still need to call ourselves conmen!”

Ying Shao calmly said, “Then what do you want me to say? How do you want me to convince my neighbor who doesn’t believe in the supernatural that we are Gu masters? He may not know what a Gu master is, so should I say that we are a type of “household religious service providers”?”

His shidi: “....”

House, house what?

Damn, those who studied in university were really different. They’re always unable to win against their shixiong Ying Shao in an argument. Whatever he said, they couldn't understand.

Ying Shao called them over, and the three martial brothers started displaying the offerings. “Shixiong, the capital seems to be getting more chaotic recently. Is this the opportunity that Master spoke of?”

“I thought of that too, but there are a lot of capable people in the capital. Even Master may not necessarily…. Sigh... Let’s earn enough for living expenses before talking about this.”

Ying Shao carefully checked for any mistakes, then led his shidi to chant the <Incense worship verse>. Additionally, he had prepared a video camera for their client to watch the recording. Their job now was to appease the souls of the dead and convey the messages of their kin, who prayed that the ancestors were doing well in the afterlife and for them to bless their descendants.

A 300 yuan per ritual job, they couldn't be more familiar with it.

Ying Shao began, “The fragrance of incense drifts in all directions, ghost officials in the city come lead the way——”

The thing about these spells was that it didn’t matter if they actually worked or not. As long as it sounded particularly powerful, the city ghost officials would naturally lead the way and the deities would do their work.

Ying Shao chanted another line, and felt the golden silkworm Gu in his heart chamber move a bit restlessly. It seemed to sense something as a gust of Yin wind blew into the house.

“Huh?”

His shidi looked up, faces pale with anxiety. The windows were not even open, where did this cold wind come from?

In the next moment, a white figure passed through the wall. He wore a tall hat with the words

“Since I’m already here” and most of his face was covered by a mask. Chains were wrapped around his wrist, with a fan hanging from his waist. This was the outfit of an Impermanence. He asked directly, “Who called for a ghost?”

The three of them: “....”

All of them were dumbstruck. How did they….actually manage to summon a Netherworld official?!

They had bragged about it, but never accomplished it before. Which Netherworld official was so free every day, to run their errands?

And they only chanted one sentence! This standard, don’t mention their Master, if it’s their Grandmaster, even he may not be able to do it!

They saw the Impermanence casually walking to the offerings table and picking up the roast chicken to eat. Because Ying Shao was a bit poor, it was only half of a roast chicken. He ate and talked at the same time, “So what do you need help with? Sending a letter to the dead?”

“Y-Yes...we’ve troubled you*[5]…” Ying Shao had not recalled the previous incident, he just felt somewhat incredulous.

Instead, it was his shidi who whispered, “Didn’t we call the city ghost officials?”

The city ghost officials were like the Overworld’s city government workers. Any ordinary issues were first reported to this level of organization, and then reported to the Netherworld upper divisions.

How do you phrase this? It was like calling for a regular police officer, but in the end the whole criminal investigation squad came!

And how come this crime squad leader’s hat was inscribed with “since I’m already here”? However, they rarely saw Netherworld officials. Who would dare to question him? What would they do if they offended him?

Lan He also heard this, and made an unnatural movement. “Oh….I didn’t hear clearly.”

The three of them: “....”

At this time, the golden silkworm Gu trembled and transmitted a message. Ying Shao received it and came to a realization, “Are you*… the one who saved me before?”

Lan He answered vaguely, “Maybe I did, I can’t remember.”

As he spoke, his eyes stared firmly at the fried skewers takeaway they brought.

Ying Shao: “....”

What an unabashed gaze.

Facing his life savior and Netherworld official, Ying Shao who depended on the Netherworld for a living, quickly served the fried skewers to him. “This....would you like to try them? We also have incense….”

Lan He basically ignored the incense. Don’t talk about how much he missed the taste of fried skewers, as a living person, he had absolutely no interest in eating incense.

Ghosts and deities ate things that were different from humans. In the <Undisclosed Matters of the Earthly Branch>, it mentioned, “All food and drink can be smelled but not consumed. Hot food that is smelled, immediately turns cold.”

When ghosts and deities consumed food, what entered their bodies was “Qi[6]”. Chemical potential energy, heat energy, these things can’t be eaten. After the essence has been absorbed, the food naturally loses its flavor. The things retained their outward appearances, but the taste was as bland as water. What was hot, also became cold.

But this Lord Impermanence ate and drank his fill, and wanted to leave after accepting their letter to the Netherworld.

“Please wait a moment, may we know the Lord’s venerable name?” Ying Shao nervously inquired.

Lan He had no stage name in the entertainment circle, not to mention the Netherworld. He thought about how Yan San had addressed him, and replied vaguely, “Call me Brother Lai.”

Once the Impermanence left, everyone kept exchanging glances. It truly hit them then that they summoned a Netherworld official just now!

Ying Shao brought out the recording to watch. Despite the fact that there was no static, the content only showed them chanting one sentence and talking to the air. Ying Shao’s excitement dimmed, “Hey, do you think the boss will recognize our work if he sees this?”

His shidi: “....”

Of course….not!

Although they really invited a Netherworld official, the video camera was unable to record this. They may have to record it again or they wouldn’t be able to give their boss an explanation.

Ying Shao looked at the fried skewers. He heard that food consumed by ghosts and deities loses its flavor, but had never experienced it firsthand. He couldn’t resist taking a skewer to give it a taste...

“How is it?” his shidi asked as they watched him intently. The skewers were supposed to be their supper after all.

Ying Shao tried a bite, “Hm...there’s really no taste at all. Kind of like wheat gluten, eh… gluten. We can just sprinkle a little cumin and salt before frying. Don’t waste it.”

His shidi: “.....”

……

Ying Shao finished eating and went out to throw the rubbish. He bumped into his neighbor who also held a bag of rubbish. The two men nodded and smiled politely at each other.

Lan He may have used his soul to enjoy the food, but he still felt an aftertaste, which caused him to touch his lips with satisfaction.

“Have you eaten supper?” Ying Shao asked with a smile.

“Yeah,” Lan He looked at his rubbish bag, “You too?”

Ying Shao burped, “Ate a little fried gluten.”

Lan He: “....Oh.”

Huh, where did the fried gluten come from? How come he didn’t get to eat any earlier?

.

Lan He folded all the paper oxen and horses for Old Bai, and it just so happened that he (Old Bai) had time to collect them himself.

“Give me a bit more money! It’s almost the eighteenth of the fourth lunar month[7]. I have to travel to Miaogan Mountain!” Old Bai urged.

“What are you going there for, you want to attend the temple festival?” Lan He was puzzled.

Old Bai looked at him with shock, “To butter up my boss ah!”

The two most respected goddesses in folklore were Mazu in the South, and Bixia Yuanjun in the North. One was a deity of the sea, the other was a mountain deity. Lan He was a Southerner, so he wasn’t clear about the relationship between Bixia Yuanjun and Old Bai’s boss.

Who was Bixia Yuanjun? She came from Taishan, and her full name was the Heavenly Jade Immortal Bixia Yuanjun of Dongyue[8]. She was also called Lady Taishan, and was the daughter of the Dongyue Emperor who was one of the bosses of the Netherworld.

In other words, she was the daughter of Old Bai’s big boss. Others may not need to bother about her birthday, but the Netherworld officials working for her father definitely have to send her a gift——like Yan San doesn’t need to[9].

There was no need to rush to Taishan, that was too troublesome. Visiting the temples in their own area was enough, and it was more convenient for them too.

There were thousands of temples dedicated to Bixia Yuanjun. In the capital alone, there were “Three Mountains, Five Peaks”, all of which were her temples. The “Peaks” were a reference to the peaks of Taishan.

On top of the five Peaks, there was a sixth Peak, the Golden Peak of Miaogan Mountain. It had the Imperial Emperor’s seal, and flourished with worshippers. Even people from overseas were attracted to burning incense here.

Old Bai let Lan He fold paper oxen and horses, firstly to carry gifts up the mountain, and secondly to serve as gifts by themselves.

“I can help you to send them,” Lan He offered. He was eyeing Miaogan Mountain, which was a common tourist attraction known for its vegetarian food.

“Aiyo, didn’t you say you were unwilling to attend business trips? How come you’re so eager to go now?” Old Bai’s tone was a little eccentric, but he still replied immediately, “Then come with me, right now manpower is tight.”

……

At Miaogan Mountain.

Here, it was more than a thousand meters above sea level. In the old days, when the road was not paved yet, it was extremely tough to climb up the mountain to burn incense. From the capital to the foot of the mountain, it already required half a day to travel. The rugged mountain was even more time consuming, and required a whole day to climb.

Now that the Overworld had paved the road, it was also a great convenience for the Netherworld, since many bridges and roads in the Netherworld were attached to the Overworld.

Old Bai held a red lantern, guiding a large herd of paper oxen and horse, all carrying huge quantities of goods. Lan He also held a lantern, following behind him. Those who were lacking in Yang energy, may be able to see two red lanterns floating in the night breeze.

When folklore spoke of Netherworld soldiers crossing the road, it was exactly this situation.

Lan He arrived at the capital a few years ago, but had never visited the Miaogan Mountain. He heard that it still hosted temple festivals. This time, he came because of a “business trip”.

The night was pitch black, and there were no cricket or bird noises.

It was in the darkness, in the middle of the silence, that a child’s soft crying was heard, “Waa——Waa——”

The frequency of the child’s crying was high. In the middle of the night, where there was virtually nobody around, this sound really made one’s scalp feel numb.

“....why, why is there a child here?”

“Go take a look,” Old Bai lazily instructed.

To tell the truth, it was quite frightening. Lan He hesitated, although he had seen ghosts before and his tolerance was higher than an average person.

“Do I have to go? I feel like something will jump out to scare me. Horror movies are all like this.” Lan He’s philosophy for so many years was, if unnecessary, ignore it and don’t look for trouble.

Old Bai: “You are afraid? As an Impermanence, do you deserve to be afraid?”

Lan He: “....I don’t deserve it.”

Unknowingly, he lost his privilege to be afraid ah. Lan He had no choice but to hold his lantern in the direction where the sound came from. He walked a few steps into the grass, and raised his lantern to light up the area.

He saw a child wearing a red dudou[10] without any pants, sitting on the ground and crying. His forehead had a wound. Right beside him was a slope; he had probably fallen down just now.

Hearing the crying sound alone was terrifying, but the child wasn’t scary at all. Lan He relaxed, “Where did this child come from?”

Old Bai took a glance, “Aiyo, he must have run out from the temple. Other than judging the good and evil in humans, Lady Taishan also controls fertility, and there are many children in the temple.”

He knew Lan He didn’t fully understand, and explained a bit more. The Lady was kind, so the souls of children would be gathered by her and given to her followers to raise.

“Little friend, are you okay?” Lan He went forward, wanting to carry the small child.

Old Bai said, “Be careful, these children are very timid. Last time I stuck out my tongue, and they cried like nobody’s business….”

He had not even finished speaking, when Lan He picked up the child skillfully. His parents were primary school teachers, and his aunt was a kindergarten teacher. It can be said that he had a family background in childcare education, so he was quite adept at dealing with little kids.

The child was not scared at all. He even drilled into his embrace, and reached out a small hand to pluck the mask from Lan He’s face.

Lan He took the mask. Since he was just a child, he didn’t mind.

The child saw Lan He’s face, and liked him even more.

“I’ll blow a bit on your head, and it won’t hurt anymore okay.” Lan He took the opportunity to blow on the wound. Originally, he wanted to take the child for an injection, but after thinking about it, everyone here were souls….forget it.

Old Bai stuck out his tongue at the sight.

La He: “....”

Do you know why children don’t like you? Your tongue is almost touching your chest!

Lan He put on his mask properly, and hugged the little fatty as he continued climbing the mountain. He even weaved a grasshopper out of the roadside grass to give to him. The child was coaxed very well.

Once they reached the entrance of Puji Temple at the mountain peak, they noticed a woman in a short jacket and matching skirt. She was counting the bare-assed children around her. She cried anxiously, “Where is one more? Where is one more?”

“Taishan Netherworld division has arrived bearing gifts——” Old Bai announced loudly. He also gave a shout to the woman, “Miss Hu, see if this is one of your temple’s naughty children. He ran halfway down the mountain and was picked up by us.”

This many children, it was impossible for the Lady to handle all of them. It was also impossible for the Lady to descend to the altar to receive the gifts herself. With such a big temple, there will naturally be emissaries.

The woman raised her head, showing her willow leaf eyebrows, which were very pretty. She was elated at the sight of the child in Lan He’s arms. However when she smiled, her eyes bulged out and her mouth widened greatly, looking a bit stiff and weird. “What a relief! I thought I lost one!”

Her hips swayed as she walked towards Lan He, “Many thanks, Netherworld official brother.” Taking another glimpse at the child’s face, she sighed, “You’ve injured your face! I’m afraid it’s going to leave a scar.”

She reached out to take the child from him.

But the little fatty liked Lan He a lot. He grabbed his shirt collar and refused to let go.

Lan He looked at Miss Hu’s outstretched hands, which had long and sharp fingernails, and avoided them. “Beautiful lady, your fingernails are too long. They’re not suitable for holding children!”

Miss Hu was stunned.

Old Bai said impatiently, “Just give him to her, she knows what to do.”

Lan He passed the child over with some hesitation, “I still think it’s better to cut your nails. This way, it's easier to tickle the children too.”

For some reason, Miss Hu broke into laughter.

It must be said that Miss Hu’s appearance was really beautiful, but this beauty became a bit strange every time she smiled.

She laughed, and didn’t notice that Lan He’s hair was standing on end. He couldn’t resist taking a step back, but his back was supported by Old Bai, who also gave him a small push.

Lan He received his signal: do you deserve it?

….I don’t deserve it, I don’t deserve to be afraid.

I’m a representative of the Netherworld division here to socialize, Lan He silently repeated to himself. He gave a dry laugh, “Alright, fairies don’t tickle do they?”

Miss Hu smiled even more happily, and the flowering branches trembled above her. The good thing was that the little fatty didn’t seem to be scratched by her nails. She hugged the little fatty and said, “Oh you must be a living Impermanence….It was hard on you, let me bring you some food.”

When Miss Hu left, Old Bai uttered miserably, “In the future, you can’t just ask people to cut their nails. Nails are an important symbol of status. Hu is normally quite bad tempered, but you helped her out today, so she didn’t hold it against you. Usually when I come, there won’t be any food, don’t think that she is always so kind.”

“I know nails are important, but I can’t even say it?” Lan He also heard of many legends and stories about using other people’s hair and nails to cast spells.

Old Bai: “Have you heard of Magu? When she arrived in the human world, she was seen by someone called Cai Jing. He thought in his heart, “Wow, this woman’s hands are really beautiful, I wish she can give me a massage.” He only thought about it, but he immediately collapsed on the street with his eyes bleeding.”

This was Magu’s punishment, even though the other person didn’t say it out loud and had only thought about it.

Lan He never thought that it was so serious, “Alright, it wasn’t intentional…I’ll apologize to her later.”

Miss Hu prepared rice and some dishes, and invited Old Bai and Lan He to eat. Passing through Puji Temple, Lan He saw that there was a Guanyin hall here, “Please don’t be offended by this, but why does the temple also worship a statue of the Bodhisattva?”

“Puji Temple is dedicated to the Lady, but there are gods of Buddhism and Confucianism, as well as folk gods, that the people need.” Miss Gu smiled, “The statue here is of Guanyin crossing the sea. Previously, it used to be a Child-giving Guanyin manifestation. However there was a period where they advocated family planning, so it was replaced by the scenic management committee.”

Lan He: “.....”

….that’s right, since they can’t change Lady Bixia.

Besides, fertility was only one of the aspects that Bixia Yuanjun controls, unlike the Child-giving Guanyin, who specialized in child-giving.

At one corner, they saw a stone table with six types of dishes and a jug of wine.

Miss Gu said, “There is no more vegetarian food. These are provided by humans, please enjoy them.”

Lan He took a glance and felt that his saliva was secreting uncontrollably.

Miss Hu seemed like a foodie too, “This Mandarin fish was first cut with the Peony Cutting Technique[11], then marinated and coated in eggs before frying. It’s crispy on the outside and tender on the inside, so it’ll be very refreshing and fragrant. Look at this steamed duck. After blanching the cabbage, it has absorbed all the oil from the duck...”

“Alright alright, let’s eat now.” Old Bai was too lazy to listen to her talk so much.

Old Bai had just finished speaking, when Lan He quickly inhaled the food.

An actor who had gone hungry for so long, was one full meal enough for him? Obviously it's not!

What was fragrant but not greasy? What was crispy and filled with flavor? Even the cabbage that soaked up the thick, fragrant soup…. Although Lan He was inhaling the food, the tastes were not affected at all, which was incredible. The tender ribs that entered his mouth later were so delicious that he almost went to heaven.

This was indeed the case. Old Bai and Miss Hu saw for themselves how his body became taller by an inch as he ate. This was because his soul floated an inch upwards...His whole body was lying horizontally, with a hand holding his mask, gorging himself on the food.

Old Bai was stunned, no wonder Lan He actively volunteered for this trip!

Miss Hu said in a daze, “Don’t hungry ghosts need to pass the test to be a ghost official?”

Old Bai: “....”

Lan He laid on the table for a while, then slowly sat up, with a lingering fragrance in his mouth.

Miss Gu was shocked, “He ate so much.”

Old Bai was also amazed, but couldn’t tell her that: Actors were even hungrier than hungry ghosts.

Lan He smiled sheepishly, and returned to being a handsome youth. His brown eyes looked embarrassed, “Sorry, I lost self-control.”

Miss Gu, who was facing him, said, “No problem, eat if you want to eat.”

Old Bai said, “This child is still young and overate. The best offerings, I feel, are from Juehui Temple. Although it is vegetarian food, that taste——

I can eat it once and remember it for three years.”

Lan He’s heart was moved when he heard this, but Juehui Temple’s monks should not be as easy to fool as Ying Shao. “Old Bai… Can you bring me along to eat with you next time?”

Old Bai looked askance at him, “You think being an Impermanence is a tool for you to do anything you like?”

Lan He: “I feel that being an Impermanence is a noble job, we uphold justice in both the Overworld and the Netherworld. The Taishan Netherworld division also has you as a senior, maintaining the order in the Netherworld.”

Old Bai was ecstatic upon hearing this, but also knew that Lan He was trying to flatter him, “Don’t make me wear a tall hat[12]…”

Lan He: “....”

Old Bai: “....”

Old Bai expressionlessly touched his hat and said, “Be more sincere.”

Lan He faced them and said, “Miss Gu, Old Bai, let me treat you to some food.”

Because they were sending gifts, Lan He brought all of the incense he made. He didn’t count and wrapped all of them up. It shouldn’t be a problem to spare a few.

Miss Gu laughed, a little excited, and her cherry lips widened till it almost reached her ears. She hurriedly used her hand to cover her mouth as she said, “Don’t blame me for being straightforward. You look like you haven’t eaten in three years, what good food can you give us?”

Old Bai swallowed reflexively, “That might not be so…”

TL Note:

Hello 7thMoon here, I’ve just picked up this novel on my own interest. Updates will be slow for a while since I’m working some kinks out for this site. To all translators out there, I have a brand new appreciation for your work as a junior! I began this chapter, thinking confidently that I could translate it in a matter of two, maybe three hours. I was wrong. Firstly, I’m a novice with quite frankly rusty Chinese. Secondly, this is a supernatural novel, not exactly the easiest type to start with, especially with all the strange phrases and terms used. Thirdly, one chapter is more than ten pages long. You can imagine how many times I was considering releasing the chapters by parts… Okay, ranting over! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, feel free to comment below :)

[1] In this context, the “dirty things” Chen Haidong mentioned refer to ghosts.

[2] An amulet is a small pouch containing a talisman. It is supposed to provide protection to the holder.

[3] Ying Shao calls them junior martial brothers or shidi which means that they share the same master who taught them martial arts and how to raise Gu. In reverse, they call Ying Shao senior martial brother or shixiong. It's quite a mouthful, and equally tedious to keep writing, so I stuck to the pinyin.

[4] Joss sticks are a type of stick incense used in worship in many Asian countries. In Buddhism, they are believed to aid spiritual communication and serve as an offering.

[5] The pronoun “you” used here is the more respectful version, often used to address people more senior, or with more authority.

[6] Qi or Chi, to put it simply, is a kind of vital energy found everywhere in the universe.

[7] The eighteenth of the fourth lunar month is the birth day of the temple goddess of Mount Tai and also a day for the living to pray for fertility.

[8] Mount Tai or Taishan, was also called the Eastern Mountain or Dongyue. Again, I stuck with the shorter pinyin versions lol.

[9] Recall in Chapter 5 that Yan San said he worked for a different boss from Old Bai. Hence, why he doesn’t have to suck up to Bixia Yuanjun.

[10] A dudou is a piece of cloth, usually rhombus in shape, that's tied around the neck and waist. It comes in various colors and served as underwear in ancient China.

[11] This is the name that I came up with since I can’t find the English name for 牡丹花刀. It’s a real fish cutting technique, commonly used by chefs in Chinese restaurants for sweet and sour whole fish. I found an online recipe that you can look at if you’re interested: https://www.chinasichuanfood.com/sweet-and-sour-fish/

[12] To wear a tall hat means to be flattered. The funny thing here is that as a Netherworld official, Old Bai was wearing an actual tall hat (see cover photo for outfit).