Chapter 9: You died at least 200 years ago

A fierce general?

This Impermanence was shorter than him, and though his whole face couldn’t be seen, his eyes were slightly round. If this was considered fierce, the word ‘fierce’ must have changed its definition without him knowing.

Song Futan stared at Lan He’s confident stance, “Did you know that the height of your hat can’t be counted as your own height?”

Lan He: “....”

“This was what my superior acknowledged!” Lan He angrily removed his hat and held it tightly. With a head of messy hair he said, “My war donkey is able to knock down evil ghosts, don’t look down on it… right, so where is it now?”

The paper donkey that he folded was of good quality, Old Bai even wanted to send it to Miaogan Mountain. If it was not damaged, it could be used for a long time.

Song Futan thought that maybe he went too far with his ridicule, but the Impermanence was only angry for about 3 seconds. He subtly moved his gaze away from Lan He’s hair, and replied as if nothing happened, “It? Continue to watch the show, bah.”

Lan He turned to look at the stage and put his hat back on.

He saw the “old mother-in-law” being severely bullied by her “daughter-in-law”, before justice came from the heavens. A character dressed in an official’s gown walked out from behind the scenes, followed by a handful of lower ranked officials, announcing loudly, “I am King Yama of the Netherworld government. The audacity of you to not kneel!”

All the other characters quickly knelt. Li Chuan who was acting as the evil daughter-in-law snuck a look, and found that paper money was hanging from “King Yama’s” ears. Though afraid, he still felt a bit speechless. It was an old custom for living people acting as ghosts to wear paper money, but as a ghost what were you doing this for...

“King Yama” came to uphold justice.

“Peasant Qin disrespected her elders and wantonly bullied people. You are now punished to become a living donkey to be ridden by your mother-in-law!”

Under “King Yama’s” edict, the “daughter-in-law” was surrounded by the small officials and covered with a “donkey skin”, turning into a donkey with an injured hind leg.

The evil person got their just desserts, thus the audience watching applauded loudly, “Good! Good!”

However the little lame donkey that appeared raised its head and brayed twice before standing up.

A small official panicked, “Peasant Qin, where are you going?”

The little lame donkey ignored his calls and kicked him away easily with a flick of its hind leg. It jumped down from the stage, exposing Li Chuan who was lying behind him. It didn’t matter that it was blindfolded, it rushed towards Lan He with a limp in its gait, nuzzling its head into his palm.

Song Futan explained from the side, “It was borrowed by them.”

After his soul wandered again, he was going to follow the paper donkey back when he met these wild ghosts. For writing purposes, he wanted to ask them about some old events in Beijing, so he agreed to lend them the donkey as a prop. But he didn’t feel assured, and was afraid that the paper donkey would be torn… so he followed them here to watch.

Lan He raised his hand and petted the donkey’s ears. He hadn’t had the time to do anything else when the crowd of ghosts discovered his existence and screamed, “The cops[1] are here! Quick, run!”

Lan He: “....”

He would have ignored it if they didn’t run. Now that they wanted to run, Lan He was determined to stop them.

He saw those ghosts leaping to the side, and unfolded his fan, waving it twice. The ghosts were unwillingly pushed back a few steps. One of them took advantage of a gap and wanted to run away, but Song Futan reached out and blocked him.

The wild ghost didn’t take him seriously since he was a living soul, and reached out to catch him.

Song Futan didn’t avoid it. The ghost’s hand was not even close to him when the rosary around his neck gave off a faint golden light. It pierced the wild ghost so badly that he tumbled, rolling away. His body also became more blurry. Meanwhile, Song Futan was still standing firmly in his original spot, unaffected by the incident.

Lan He himself was a little ruffled and scolded, “Don’t move, put your hands over your heads and squat!”

These wild ghosts didn’t have the guts to outright oppose a Netherworld official. They didn’t have the ability, or else they wouldn’t have to borrow a prop from Song Futan. One by one, they squatted down honestly.

“Are you okay?” These words were directed to the two unlucky living people.

His tone was gentle and friendly, but Meng Qing and Li Chuan were trembling like leaves in the wind. In their opinion, Lan He wasn’t much different from the other ghosts… After trembling for a long time, they picked up their courage to complain, “We want to go back. We didn’t come here voluntarily.”

The little ghost who acted as “King Yama” jumped up and hurried to explain, “Lord, we were wrong. Our drama addiction just acted up a bit. This is actually my first time acting as His Highness King Yama! I-I would like to take the initiative to report, and redeem myself for my crimes.”

As he spoke, he pointed to another wild ghost and said, “He used to secretly act <Scolding King Yama> and liked singing that line “Hey hey, I heard that the Five Palaces’ King Yama”...”

“Hah, didn’t you act <The Judge> before?”

The two ghosts scolded and even fought each other.

Lan He watched this turn of events and was even a bit amused, “Alright alright, I won’t pursue those anymore. But people and ghosts walk different paths. You bullied the living and forced them to sing and act. This is really atrocious behavior. Your punishment is… to give me fruit!”

To tell the truth, after going down the mountain, he felt like he could still eat more. But he ate a lot of meat just now and wanted some fruit and vegetables.

The crowd of ghosts looked at each other, ghost officials normally all wanted money and incense.

Lan He: “Quickly give them to me. I know you have them, Qingming[2] passed by not long ago!”

The ghosts: “....”

The living people: “....”

Ghosts who ate a full meal could go without for at most one whole year. Qingming was a few days ago, and they did receive some food, so like the living when they celebrate new year, they were very happy. They indeed also had some leftover dishes, like how there were always leftovers on New Year’s Eve.

Only, to give them up to the Impermanence… They were a bit reluctant.

Lan He: “Quickly hand over the food.”

He took them one by one, taking an orange from one, two apples from another, forming a fruit basket.

Lan He was satisfied with his looted fruit. But the group of ghosts were wailing miserably, “What are you crying about? Why didn’t you cry when you were scaring people?”

The leader of the ghosts wiped his tears and said, “So Lord, you are not going to pursue those matters regarding opera anymore?”

Netherworld officials didn’t have any credibility, he was afraid that this Lord “Since I’m already here” would still pursue the matter and dole out punishments after taking the fruits.

“As long as you don’t carelessly harm people, I don’t care about you acting in operas.” Lan He said, “Anyway, the singing was not bad, I will come again next time.”

“....” They all bowed their heads and didn’t dare accept the praise. They stuttered, “We’ve presented the gifts, we’ll retire first.”

Lan He moved his fingers, and they quickly fled.

Lan He held the pile of fruits he collected and asked Li Chuan, Meng Qing and Song Futan, “Do you want to eat?”

The three people: “....”

Meng Qing in particular felt that this ghost official seemed a bit too friendly... which made them feel at a loss for words.

Lan He gave each person an orange, “You can leave now, quickly go back bah.”

They can leave? Li Chuan was so relieved that he almost sat down. He thought that they would never escape.

Li Chuan and Meng Qing were still trembling. Although they had received the oranges, who would dare to eat them ah. Who knows whether they would transform into leaves the next day. All those stories from <Liao Zhai>[3] were like that...

Though this ghost official helped them, he was still a ghost and kind of scary.

The pair wondered how long ago he had died and gave him a traditional bow like in dramas. Then they ran away hand in hand without looking back.

Those two looked like they were at most born in the 80s, how come they still bent their knees when giving a parting bow? Lan He pondered as he ate an orange.

……

Li Chuan and Meng Qing held their oranges as they ran into the night, not daring to look back. Luckily Li Chuan had a good memory, so they ran all the way back to the leisure villa. At this late hour, the main door was locked and only the security office was lit.

The pair rushed over and knocked on the door. The security guard saw the two dishevelled people dressed in opera costumes with fearful expressions on their faces and frowned, “What is the matter?”

“Hello, we are actors from the Chuan Yuan troupe that came today. Can we come in?”

The security guard sized them up. They did look like actors but...

“Everyone from the Chuan Yuan troupe is inside. No one has come out and the performance is already over. Don’t tell me you are late?”

“No, but we really are actors.” And also the main leads. But Meng Qing didn’t know how to explain it, “How about this. Can you lend us your phone so that we can call the troupe leader to pick us up?”

They couldn’t bring their phones onstage, and were kidnapped right after they got offstage.

The security guard agreed and helped them to dial a number. The Chuan Yuan troupe leader indeed came to pick them up.

The troupe leader looked at the two of them and asked doubtfully, “When did you run outside? Did you sneak out to chat with friends? I was just looking for you. Didn’t we say to eat supper together? How come you disappeared after acting? Luckily you came back in time, supper is ready.”

“*exhale*...Leader, we…” Li Chuan had just spoken when he stopped suddenly, recalling what the troupe leader had said. He asked, “Supper is ready? Leader, what time is it now?”

The troupe leader looked at his watch, “A few minutes before 10 pm.”

“It’s not even 10 pm?!”

Li Chuan and Meng Qing glanced at each other. The performance ended at 9.30 pm, which meant that after the performance, they got lost, acted a show, and ran all the way back, but only 30 minutes had passed?

“Hey, where did you get those oranges from? Give me one, I was just craving some.” How could the troupe leader know what they were thinking about? The man was talented and the woman was beautiful; he suspected that they went out on a date, then acted dumb about it. Look at their foreheads full of sweat, heheh.

Meng Qing was stunned. The troupe leader took an orange. Since the oranges were small, he was able to quickly peel it with a squeeze of his hands. Half of the orange soon entered his mouth.

“... Wait!” Meng Qing couldn’t stop him in time and thus watched as he swallowed it.

The pair carefully checked with the troupe leader, “Are you okay?”

“What? I’m good ah. Hmm, though this orange doesn’t feel very fresh.”

Li Chuan muttered, “Maybe it’s because it was left over from Qingming…”

……

The lively plaza from moments ago was soon left with only Lan He and Song Futan.

Song Futan watched Lan He stuffing the orange into his mouth from underneath his mask. He was curious about this Impermanence’s appearance, but seeing how he would rather bear the trouble to eat like this than take off the mask, he was afraid that there was some unspeakable pain behind this.

He looked lively, but perhaps his death was very tragic...

Song Futan looked at him probingly, “Why didn’t you pursue the wild ghosts for acting <Scolding King Yama>?”

Lan He glanced at him and said distantly, “I’m working for King Taishan. King Yama’s matters have nothing to do with me.”

Song Futan: “....”

“I’m joking, I just feel that there’s no need. I know that drama, it’s actually about people scolding King Yama in order to vindicate a loyal minister. King Yama also redresses the wrongs. This is nothing.” Lan He said.

Song Futan recalled it, and felt that the joke was a bit humorous.

Though many said that ghosts were difficult to deal with, he was quite reasonable.

“You’re right.” Song Futan asked, “How long have you been dead?”

Huh?

Lan He was stunned and held back his laughter, “How long do you think I’ve been dead?”

Song Futan thought about when the two people gave a traditional bow, the Impermanence had no objection, so it should be at least...

“200 years?”

Lan He: “More or less.”

His face was secretly red; he told a lie again. It felt like he was playing tricks on people.

The little lame donkey brayed once and bumped into Song Futan’s waist.

Song Futan tugged on its ears in dislike.

“It’s reminding us that it's late and time for your soul to return!” Lan He said, “Let’s go, I’ll send you back… Don’t look at me like that, I won’t fan you anymore.”

They were all going back to the city, so the road should be the same.

Song Futan didn’t ride the paper donkey this time. He only rode it once, but this time round he walked with Lan He, leading the limping little donkey.

It seemed like they had quite a lot of fate with each other, Lan He thought and asked, “Earlier… your rosary looks pretty impressive, those ghosts couldn’t even touch you.”

The fish pendant strung in the back of the rosary shone with a gold light. The purpose of this fish pendant was to gather Yang energy. Since the back was a Yang region and the chest was a Yin region, it was hung from the back instead of the front.

When Song Futan blocked the wild ghost earlier, the other party was unable to get close to him.

“This was given to me by an eminent monk.” Song Futan twisted the rosary beads, “My soul often wanders. With it, my soul is protected from invasion by evil spirits.”

“Having your soul wander so often, it's a bit miserable.” Lan He thought in his heart that it's no wonder that he saw him again so soon. “Still, lucky there’s an eminent person to help you. My colleague told me that Beijing has the most scammers, but is also the place with the most eminent people.”

Song Futan rarely had the chance to talk to people about this, and it was also hard to write about it. He mocked, “There are also many wronged souls. The world is half filled with people and half filled with ghosts. According to scammers, as long as one has insomnia and troubled dreams, it’s always because of being pestered by a 100 year old wronged soul. There are not enough ghosts to use…”

Lan He couldn’t resist laughing out loud, “Hahahah!”

Although the bottom half of his face couldn’t be seen, his eyes were curved upwards, brimming with light and amusement.

Song Futan’s lips quirked upwards, softening his prideful aura, and his cool and handsome facial features.

Their gazes met for a few seconds, both thoughtful and silent.

The name was the most important symbol in the world of ghosts and deities.

It held a more special meaning than in the living world, and all creatures regarded it preciously.

Lan He wanted to ask for the other person’s name, but he thought of his identity as an Impermanence. Which person would be willing to give their name to a ghost official? Normal people were all scared of dying if a ghost called their name.

So he thought for half a day and only said, “The oranges that I snatched are a little stale...”

Song Futan wanted to know this Impermanence’s name, but ghosts and deities wouldn’t easily reveal their real names. In some religions, the written form of the names were regarded as closely guarded secrets.

Thus he paused for a moment and just went along with him, “A little bit, but it’s still considered sweet.”

……

The Song family.

Song Futan’s body was lying on the bed motionlessly.

Mrs Song rubbed her eyebrows, “What do we do? Why is the frequency of Futan’s soul wandering increasing? Will there be any problems? Look, what is this again…”

Song Qiyun comforted his wife, “Don’t panic, let’s give a call to Priest Bu Dong[4].”

It was already late at night. The dial tone rang for a while before the call was picked up by the other side. However, it wasn’t Priest Bu Dong. “Mr Song, I am Si Kong. Master is already resting, but he said earlier that if you called tonight I should tell you that Futan will be fine.”

“... Sorry to bother you.” Song Qiyun and his wife both thought, indeed it was Priest Bu Dong, he knew earlier that they would call. They felt a bit relieved, “Can Master Si Kong tell us why? His soul has wandered twice this week.”

Si Kong’s voice over the phone was gentle and calm, “It’s just that Beijing has been a little unstable recently, thus Futan’s condition worsened. Although his physique is special and easily attracts evil spirits, his heart is pure and unwavering. With the protection of Master’s Buddha beads, evil spirits may cause his soul to wander but are unable to harm him. You only need to…”

As Si Kong was still speaking when Mrs Song interrupted him urgently, “Wait, Master Si Kong.”

She carefully looked at her son’s face and confirmed it again. She cried out in fright, “Futan hasn’t returned yet but he just smiled. What does this mean? This didn’t happen before ah.”

Anyone who used their brain to think would know, those whose souls wandered, saw only demons and ghosts, how could they smile?

And it’s not a weird smile, nor a miserable smile, but a joyful smile seen rarely even in normal occasions.

The phone was also quiet. Si Kong’s calm was broken and his tone became perplexed, “Master has not talked about this… Perhaps this time he met an interesting ghost?”

TL Note:

7th Moon reporting for duty :D Yay! This chapter is doneeee! The length is not too bad this time, though the grammar was a bit tricky. I hope the flow is smooth for y'all, I’m also open to suggestions for improvement.

P.s Sometimes I leave filler words like “ah” and “um” in to make the conversation feel more natural. What do you think about it?

[1] The original Chinese term is a synonym for an enforcer, commonly used by mainlanders. I decided the slang “cops” seemed appropriate enough.

[2] Qingming is also known as Tomb-sweeping Day, which is when the living pay their respects to the dead and offer food.

[3] A book of ghost stories.

[4] This gave me a headache actually. The original was “不动法师” which literally means “unmoving mage” or something like that. I assumed that Bu Dong was his actual name for the time being. And since according to the context, he seems to be a high ranking religious person of a sort, I decided on the Priest title instead of Mage (which just sounded weird).